You can go down to the Ocean Wetland Park in Linyuan. You can see the jellyfish, and afterward you can get a questionable ice cream cone from the questionable grandma who sells food and trinkets from a motorcycle parked near the beach. You'd better leave early though. It gets hot down there, and there's little shade between the parking lot and the water.
I saw you there last weekend, didn't I? You were standing not far from the shoreline. You were complaining about how little wind there was that day. Nice jacket, by the way. I didn't know they made them in blue.
You can't cross double yellow lines in Xiaogang. Especially not in heavy traffic. And especially not if you're driving a bus. Please drive safely in south Kaohsiung. The roads down there kill people.
You should go see the old kilns in Daliao if the weather isn't too hot. These kilns are big and interesting, and if the light is good they photograph well. Don't worry about climbing over some of the fences to do so, everybody does it.
You shouldn't visit the Fengyi Academy in Fengshan if you're not that interested in local history. The Instagrammable statues there aren't worth the trip. It's a very specific part of Taiwanese history, and it's not for everyone.
You might find that car maintenance is easier in Qianzhen. There are several dealerships down there, and many of these dealerships are more conveniently located than the ones in Zuoying. Most of the traffic through Zuoying is a mess anyway.
You can get a good pork cutlet in Xinxing, just be sure to let me know where you get it. I don't eat around there often.
You can't start fights at the Liouhe Night Market. For one thing you'll be hurt, for another thing you'll end up on the local news and that will hurt even more. Fighting at night markets, especially with or between excessively tattooed individuals, is always a bad idea.
You should visit the open air market(s) around around Pier Two. There's some good food on offer, though it might take you one or two visits to figure out which stalls serve the best stuff. I've had both good hamburgers and terrible French toast in the area.
You shouldn't visit the 85 Sky Tower. Yes, there are a few hotels on the upper floors - there's even a 7-11 and a police station - but you can't see out the windows, and the observation deck has been closed for years. It's a building to be viewed from the outside.
Did you see me in the big Family Mart near the used bookstore? Those beers I was drinking were a mistake. It was much too hot that day. I should have bought another kind of drink instead.
You might find a good hotel in Qianjin District. It's on the MRT line, and there are plenty of hotels between there and Pier Two. Just don't ask me which hotel is best. I have no idea.
You can ride a bike around most of Gushan. The bicycle path down most of Makadao is serviceable, and everything between Neiwei and Guomao (in Zuoying) is smooth sailing. Gushan Road can be unpleasant (and dangerous), but as you approach Hamaxing it gets better.
I saw you and your friends about to go up "monkey mountain." Maybe get an earlier start next time? It's not only because of the heat, but also the number of weekend tourists. I always leave around sunrise. If you keep a steady pace, by the time you get to the top there will be almost no one else there.
You can't get to Dollars easily from our place in Gushan. It's a straight shot across the city, but you'll be driving through Kaohsiung's worst traffic. I actually don't mind that trip on a bike. You can "loop upward" from the Love River bike trail, and the scenery along the way isn't bad.
You should picnic at Niaosong's Green Park if the weather's cooler. It's a nice place to be when it's not too hot. Otherwise I wouldn't bother going there. I know it hosts a lot of activities, but it's hard to get to and for the most part it feels like what it is: a former golf course.
You shouldn't go to Lotus Lake on weekends if you don't like crowds. That place is crazy popular now. It's weird because I can remember a time when no one seemed to know where it was or why people would visit it. It looks cool in photographs, but I've never been a huge fan of the place.
You might enjoy Lantern Festival at Foguang Mountain. I visited during the winter break and we had a really good time. There's a lot of good vegetarian food to be had and the lights are amazing. Prepare yourself for some traffic though, especially around the start of the festival.
You can see the source of the Love River in Renwu District, but it's not that impressive. It's tucked away behind some old houses, not far from the freeway. You can almost get there via the bike trail that runs along the river, but this bike trail ends on the other side of the hospital and after that point the route gets confusing.
You can't find a lot of restaurants in the Export Processing Zone. No big surprise. There are many restaurants closer to the part of Nandze where most people live, but in the factory area there's not much to eat.
I was in that Filipino restaurant you walked by. I wanted to say hello but by the time I got to the door you were gone. No, the chicken there isn't very good. The lunchbox place next door is better.
You should go to Dashe via the #10 Expressway, but why would you? There's not much to do around there.
You shouldn't visit O-a-liao ("Oyster Hut") Port in the daytime. None of the seafood restaurants will be open, and it won't be any fun at all. I guess you could walk over to the other side of the port and gaze at the water, but it's not much of a view.
You might like the walk through the "Tardyhill" Scenic Area. The bunkers and military installations are somewhat interesting. There's also that steep walk down the stairs to the rope bridge. Best avoided on a hot day though. Maybe in the morning?
You can take a walk through the Kaohsiung Municipal Park. It's not bad in the fall, winter and spring. If you're arriving via the MRT station you can walk all the way through the park, pass over the river on the other side, and have a coffee at the local Donutes. It's something to do, right?
You can't get through a lot of Gangshan easily now. They're extending the MRT line north, almost to the Tainan city line, and most drivers have no way of diverting onto secondary roads. Last time I drove through Gangshan it seemed like it too eons.
You should avoid Yongan Fishing Port, which is more properly referred to by some other name that I can't remember now. For that matter avoid the Yongan Wetland Park too. There are better, similar venues in Mituo to the north.
You shouldn't stage robberies as a way of laundering money in Luzhu. You might have such a plan in mind, but be aware that the police probably have you under surveillance already. All such schemes lead to high speed chases, and the roads around there are not good for that.
I saw you waiting at the light across from where the Mos Burger used to be. On your way to Tainan again? Or somewhere else? I was headed the other way, towards downtown.
You might like the Xingda Fishing Port around sundown. It's way better than the one in Yongan anyway. I wouldn't bother with the seafood restaurant off the port, but some of the food at the night market is good.
You can visit the Flomo Stationery Museum, but why would you want to? Even the Soya-Mixed Meat Museum in nearby Gangshan is better - though not better by much.
I hope you enjoyed the walk through Agongdian. Yeah, that reservoir's pretty in the early morning. No, I couldn't stay. I heard you went up to the Eye of Gangshan after. Kinda windy up there, wasn't it?
You can't drive to those "lakes" up in the hills of Yanchao very easily. The roads are very complicated and even Google Maps gets confused in that area. Last time I followed Google's directions I wound up driving down a terrifying hillside behind a college few have ever heard of. I thought we were going to drive off a cliff by mistake.
You should visit the Dagangshan ("Big Gang Mountain") Scenic Area if you're around there at night. The view from the top, looking out over all the industrial stuff in nearby districts, is interesting.
You shouldn't visit Moon World and expect to get good barrel chicken without reserving it first. I don't know what that area's problem is, but all of the good barrel chicken places expect you to make a reservation ahead of time. It's really inconvenient.
You might find deceased members of the male sex inside women's restrooms in Qishan. Sometimes their remains can be de-remained easily, sometimes their remains must remain in place for some time remaining.
You can see a "battle performance"/kung fu exhibition in Neimen, but is it really worth the drive to see it? I keep thinking about it and not going. Maybe next year - but then again I always say that.
You can't find a lot of non-Hakka ethnic food in Meinong, but that's not surprising. Most tourists go there with visions of flower seas, paper umbrellas and Hakka stir fry in mind, so of course most of the restaurants there serve Hakka food.
You should be careful of forest fires in Shanlin. These forest fires happen fairly often. If you're hiking around there be alert for smoke.
You shouldn't visit the hot springs in Liouguei and expect that much. Those places are all old and small. They're really not like what you'll find in bigger, more famous hot spring areas like Zhiben in Taitung or Beitou in Taipei.
You might see butterflies in the Maolin Scenic Area. It depends on the time of year and the weather. It's a decent place to take a walk, and the mountain scenery is pretty.
I was sitting in the restaurant on the Pingtung side of the river. No, you were looking the other way. Funny, isn't it? The way we keep missing each other...
You can or can't go to Jiaxian depending on the weather and the trustworthiness of your vehicle, and you should or shouldn't visit in the hope of seeing fireflies depending on the time of year. It might be a good place to go. It might not be. Who am I to say?
Likewise you can or can't go to the very tippy top of the Southern Cross-Island Highway depending, again, on the weather and the trustworthiness of your vehicle, and you should or shouldn't go up there depending on how long you're able to sit in a car and endure dangerous road conditions. There might be some incredible views up there, or there might not be, depending on the clarity of the heavens.
For the same reason, people in Namaxia can or can't come all the way down from the mountains, depending on the weather and whether they own a vehicle or are relying on public transportation. They should or shouldn't come down from Namaxia depending on whether or not it's worth the trip. It might be a pleasant excursion, or it might just be a long journey that wasn't worth the effort.
Sometimes when you can you should, and sometimes when you can't you shouldn't. Whether you can, can't, should or shouldn't often depends on what might happen, where it might happen, and when.
Onward and upward, this way and that, forward and backward... goodbye?
Or until we almost meet again?
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