As I sit here writing this an expat I know is sitting in a Taiwanese prison. I'm not trying to make a case against him, but let's just say he's had encounters with law enforcement before, there are substance abuse issues at play, and when his story finally hit the newspapers not everyone was surprised.
I can't judge the guy too harshly. Members of my immediate family have also had substance abuse issues, run-ins with the law, and all the grief that that entails. And in some situations prison can actually be the better of two evils. Prison isn't fun, but it offers a chance to straighten out and review your life choices. Prison is often also better than hospitalization, and it's certainly better than death.
But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe I should start with smaller examples, and work my way up to the point where the local judicial system decides to fine you, imprison you, deport you, or all three in that order.
1. Fines
Fines are annoying, fines are inconvenient, but in the greater scheme of things they're a small kind of trouble. Will you get fined for not wearing a mask? Probably not. I've walked maskless right by police officers and not been fined. People will give you evil looks, sure, but I've never heard of anyone getting fined for not wearing a mask.
Most fines are traffic-related. Parking on a red line, for example, or speeding. In some places policemen wait alongside the road with a radar gun, while in other places they've installed cameras that record your speed. I find the cameras more annoying. If the cameras catch you speeding you get a fine in the mail, which includes a picture of your car in the act of going too fast.
I think my wife and I have received three such fines in the past ten years or so. I remember getting one as I approached Taroko Park (now SKM Park) from a flyover, and another one in Taitung, just south of Central Taimali. The third one was for failing to signal as either my wife or myself entered the freeway in Nanzhou Township, Pingtung County. This third one was the work of a "helpful" fellow driver who recorded us as we turned onto an onramp, in a place where almost no one ever thinks to signal.
Bitter about that one? Yeah, I am.
2. Getting Tricked Out of Your Money
Worse than getting fined is getting ripped off. Fraud costs you money, and there's also the shameful feeling of being duped to contend with. If you're new to Taiwan, be careful about rental agreements, work contracts and buying a used scooter. These are three high-risk transactions when it comes to fraud. Read your rental agreements and work contracts carefully, and try to buy a scooter from someone you trust.
I've never had trouble with work contracts or rental agreements, but I did get tricked out of a lot of money while buying a scooter during my first year in Taiwan. Luckily for me I discovered the trick they'd played before it was too late, one of the con men involved was a coworker, and I was able to pressure him by telling our boss what had happened. I got my money back - lesson learned - and my coworker was soon after.
3. Embarrassment
What's worse, getting conned or getting embarrassed? I'm really not sure. I think a lot of people would sooner part with their money than lose face, but of course that depends on the person, how Eastern or Western they are, and how long they've been in Taiwan.
When you first arrive in Taiwan you might feel a bit harried, as if people are insulting you left and right. This may itself be a source of embarrassment. Just know that this is a cultural thing. Taiwanese people often say "insulting" things as a way of demonstrating their closeness to you, and rest assured that they do this with each other as well. If your feelings are hurt, try indicating so without getting mad, and without appearing too judgmental or dismissive. I realize this is a hard thing to do, but with practice you'll get there.
I can't think of a single time when I was that embarrassed in Taiwan, but then again I'm a hard person to embarrass. I'll get mad, sure, but embarrassment is a whole other thing. Thinking back over the past 22 years, I can only remember moments of embarrassment in the presence of other expats, when they were stabbing me in the back over something work-related or competing with me for someone's attention. Taiwanese people work very hard NOT to embarrass others, and this is one of the great things about them.
4. Getting Fired
I'd rank getting fired above fines, fraud and embarrassment. You'll get fired for all the same reasons you'd get fired in another country, including chronic lateness, subpar performance, sexual harassment, child abuse, an obvious substance abuse problem, or a general lack of people skills. Some foreign English teachers I've known have, however, survived as incredibly lackluster English teachers for incredible lengths of time.
I've never been fired in Taiwan, but I've seen it happen to many others. Ah, that look of disbelief on their faces, followed by the Rage of the Unjustly Accused. Most of the time their outrage is just an act; sometimes it's genuine. I've known many teachers who've been fired for being incompetent. I also knew a teacher who got outed as a heroin addict. I've seen both foreign English teachers and other expats suffer - both justly and unjustly - after being accused of sexual harassment.
The worst example I can think of is a foreign teacher who was molesting boys at a kindergarten in Taichung. He was, thankfully, fired, but it took WAY too long for his coworkers to convince the boss that something was going on, and it took WAY too long for the boss to do something about it. Worst of all, the school hushed the whole thing up, and this guy might still be teaching in Taiwan. If I knew his name I'd gladly publish it here, but this happened after I left the school in question.
6. Getting in a Fight
Getting in a fight? I know of two ways of getting in a fight: embarrassing a Taiwanese man in front of his friends and using road rage as an excuse for harsh words. In the first instance I'd recommend against approaching any Taiwanese woman who's entered a bar with several male companions, unless perhaps the women in her party outnumber the men. With regard to road rage I'd suggest keeping your emotions inside the car, where they can do the least damage. Be especially careful of taxi drivers. Those guys will call their friends and f**k you up.
I knew a guy in Taitung who got beaten up really bad after talking up some girl in a bar. Bones were broken and he was sent to the hospital. Most Taiwanese guys, being the reasonable souls that they are, will seek to avoid conflict, but DO NOT cause a Taiwanese man to lose face in front of his crew. Once face has been lost, who knows what will happen?
7. Getting Divorced
You can heal from a good beating, but getting divorced is a whole other kettle of fish. Of course we all know why people get divorced - everything from cheating to farting too loudly in bed - and Taiwan is no different in this regard. From what I've seen infidelity is the primary cause, with the ratio of male to female cheating being about even. To some extent there's a stereotype of Western guys "playing the field," but I've seen just as many marriages broken up by Taiwanese wives and their not-so-secret boyfriends.
And by the way, can we all stop taking sides in one another's divorce proceedings? Just because you know some foreign guy and you yourself happen to be a foreign guy doesn't mean that he's a jilted husband. And just because some Taiwanese girl is your friend from college doesn't mean that she's innocent of indiscretions. Ethnic affiliation is no reason to take sides in such disputes.
8. Going to Prison
I'd say that going to prison is worse than getting divorced, but I suppose it depends on what you're going to prison for and how long you'll be there. Some expats in Taiwan wind up in prison because of drugs, or more specifically from the idea that they won't get arrested for using, buying or selling drugs. Often these expats are right... but not always.
Many foreigners come to Taiwan from places where marijuana is perfectly legal, and they are - for whatever reason, convinced that it will be legal in Taiwan any day now. This is far from the case. If it's a small amount, and you're not dealing, you'll probably be forced into treatment, but if it's a larger amount, you're growing it, or there's evidence of your being part of a network, you're in serious trouble. Do you really want to go to jail for low quality weed? Think about this question carefully.
9. Getting Deported
A step above imprisonment is The Big Goodbye: deportation. I don't know anyone who's been deported (yet), but it certainly happens. Most expats get deported for involvement in the drug trade, and I heard that if you go to court and your sentence exceeds a certain length of time they'll just put you on a plane instead of asking you to serve out your sentence. I once heard of a guy in Taitung getting deported for violating the terms of his visa, but this is an unusual occurrence.
10. Getting Hospitalized
What would you say is worse, going to jail or spending a long time in the hospital? I'm speaking here of life-threatening illnesses and injuries, things that'll really ruin your weekend. I myself hate hospitals, and the thought of spending months in a bed sends chills down my spine. When it comes to hospitalization we kind of go back to where we started from: to the roads. Traffic accidents are a fact of life in Taiwan, and the combination of how people drive, where they drive and the general road conditions is indeed dangerous.
I've been in two traffic accidents in Taiwan. Both times I was on a bike. The first time a taxi swerved out onto the road in front of me, causing me to fall and mess up my elbow. The second time I was coming down a mountainside, past a car parked on the side of the road, when the driver opened her door without looking. In a flash I was heels over head in the air, and before I could gather my wits the driver was gone.
11. Getting Dead
The worst form of trouble is (of course) dying. Sometimes people don't walk away from traffic accidents. Sometimes they go surfing and they don't come back. Sometimes they kill themselves - and that's no joke. If you're driving in any urban area exercise extreme caution. If you're surfing be aware of weather conditions, rocks over and under the water, and the transitions between low and high tide. If you're thinking about killing yourself find someone you can talk to. Life is short my friend, take care of yourself.
12. Parting Thoughts
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." So said Shakespeare.
If we take "sorrows" to mean "troubles" the phrase still holds water. Troubles come in many forms, and there are many, many ways to invite trouble into your life. Whether you're an expat or local, whether you're a man or woman, it's good to be aware of trouble in all its guises. Let's not go to prison, shall we? Let's not face deportation, or the loss of limbs, or the loss of friends and family members. Some forms of trouble are unavoidable, but let's try to limit ourselves to the smaller kinds of trouble without courting their bigger, scarier cousins.
The biggest form of trouble, dying, is of course unavoidable in the long term. This fact alone should give us pause. Life is too short for the bigger forms of drama, for the kind of legal difficulties and brushes with death that fuel Hollywood movies, and perhaps if we live well and treat others kindly we can avoid them.
Oh, and if the person described in the first paragraph above eventually reads this, just know that I was rooting for you. We've all made mistakes, and your particular mistakes - whatever they may be - could have led you, or me, or anyone into a lot more trouble than they have. I certainly don't think I'm better or wiser than you are. I've done a few regrettable things myself.
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