2016年1月23日 星期六

Happy Year of the Monkey!! 猴年快樂!!


Item 1: Taiwan has a new President now.  Tsai Ying-wen, representing the DPP, won the general election last Saturday.  上個星期六台灣已經選出新的總統.  由民進黨的候選人蔡英文贏得總統選舉.

Item 2: I only have a few more days of school before winter vacation.  We plan on driving up to Hualien, and from there driving to Nantou and back.  Might also go to Kaohsiung for a couple days.   只剩幾天就開始放寒假了.  我們計畫開車往花蓮的方向, 從那之後往南投再從花蓮回來.  另外也要去高雄玩二天.

Item 3: I'll be away from this blog until February 15, when winter vacation comes to an end.  二月十五日前我不寫文章.  寒假結束之後我才會開始寫.

Item 4: Chinese New Year is on the way!  Happy Year of the Monkey!  春節快到了!  猴年快樂!

Item 5: This week in my English class we are doing something like this.  You can play, too!  這個禮拜在我的英文課, 我們用下列的表格學英文.  你也可以玩!


Aa
Bb
Cc
Dd
Ee
3
1
16
10
21
Ff
Gg
Hh
Ii
Jj
20
22
4
17
19
Kk
Ll
Mm
Nn
Oo
12
11
15
18
14
Pp
Qq
Rr
Ss
Tt
5
23
25
24
7
Uu
Vv
Ww
Xx
Yy
8
13
26
6
9
Zz
2
 

4-3-5-5-9  9-21-3-25  14-20  7-4-21  15-14-18-12-21-9!!

24-21-21  9-14-8  17-18  20-21-1-25-8-3-25-9!!

Related Entries 相關的文章: 

2016年1月16日 星期六

Koxinga 鄭成功

Statue of Koxinga 國姓爺 in Kaohsiung's 高雄 Central Park 中央公園

Koxinga was the guy who "took back" Taiwan from the Dutch in the 1600s.  He was also trying to revive the Ming Dynasty, which by that time had given way to the Ching Dynasty, which he regarded as a harmful, "foreign" presence.  Taiwan served as his "government-in-exile" while he attempted to reestablish the Ming Dynasty on the Mainland.  國姓爺是十七世紀時從荷蘭人手上把台灣拿回來的人.  他也試著反清復明.  他認為滿人的清廷不算漢人的政府, 他以台灣為他重建明朝的基地.

And yes, history has a way of repeating itself.  對! 歷史總是不斷的重演.

As you might have guessed, Koxinga ended up stuck in Taiwan, where he died of an illness soon after.  The Ming Dynasty was never reestablished, Taiwan remained a political and economic backwater, and eventually the island was reabsorbed into the Ching Empire.  你應該也猜到之後發生了什麼事情.  他一直留在台灣, 也在不久後在這裡生病去世.  明朝沒被重建, 台灣也繼續成為政治和經濟上落後的地方, 最後更被滿清納入中國的一部分.

So sorry, Mr. Koxinga.  But if it makes you feel better, the Ching Dynasty had a very shameful time dealing with the British and the Japanese.  很抱歉! 鄭先生.  如果知道清廷末期跟英國和日本的事情可以讓您的心情好一點! 它跟英國和日本之間發生了許多丟臉的事情.

Opium Wars and partitions aside, I sometimes wonder what Koxinga would make of modern, democratic Taiwan.  Would he enjoy a tour of Taiwan in 2016?  Would he find modern Taiwan fascinating - or alienating?  Would the differences between Taiwan and China interest him, or just make him sad?  除了鴉片戰爭跟劃分租界勢力之外, 我有時候想國姓爺對現代的中華民國有什麼看法.  他會喜歡2016年在台灣的旅遊嗎?  他會對現代的臺灣很好奇還是很失望?  他會對台灣跟中國的差異有興趣?  還是很後悔?

It's fun to imagine what a conversation between Koxinga and any modern Taiwanese person might be like.  The world Koxinga inhabited was SO different from the Taiwan of today, and he would probably find modern Taiwan at once fascinating and disconcerting.  Someone like Koxinga, coming from the height of Imperial China, would be even further removed from modern Taiwan  - even more so than your average American, Italian, or African.  Of course it's impossible to know what his reaction to modern Taiwan would be, though it's fun to think about.  想像鄭成功跟現代的台灣人在一起的對話情景是件有趣的事.  鄭成功時代的台灣跟現代的台灣差很多, 他應該立刻對台灣產生興趣還有失望.  帝制時代的中國人離現代台灣非常遙遠.  他比現代的美國人, 義大利人, 非洲人要了解台灣還困難.  當然沒辦法知道他會對現在的台灣有什麼看法, 只是想像這種事很好玩.

I do know one thing though.  He wouldn't be all that happy to see so many foreigners - like me - walking around.  我知道一件事:  他在現代的台灣看到那麼多外國人走來走去會很不高興.

"What?" I can imagine him saying, "I get rid of those Dutch devils, and now YOU'RE here?!?!  I'm going to have to do something about that!"  "什麼?" 他會跟我說, "我把那些荷蘭鬼子趕走你們就來了?!?!  這件事我一定要處理!"

Related Entries 相關的文章: 

"Conventional Industries" (3)
"Conventional Industries" (2)
"Conventional Industries" (1)
台灣鳳梨的歷史 A History of Taiwanese Pineapples

2016年1月14日 星期四

Super F**k

The Taiwanese Ministry of Education, looking for ways to make the English used in Taiwanese English textbooks more like Hollywood movies, has recently allowed the use of profanity in elementary-level English textbooks.  In response, Kang Shuan Publishing has released "Super F**k," a textbook series which uses all the bad words that kids know and love.

The following is a conversation taken from the Super F**k textbook, level 3.


What a F**king Day!

F**k: Where's my f**king book?  Is it on the f**king bed?

Lisa: No.  It's not on the f**king bed.

F**k: Is it on the f**king chair?

Lisa: Yes.  It's on the f**king chair.

F**k: Where's my f**king pencil?  Is it on the f**king char?

Lisa: Yes, it is.  It's on the f**king chair.

F**k: Is that your book bag, f**ker?

Lisa: Yes, it's my f**king book bag.

F**k: Is that your eraser, f**ker?

Lisa: No, it's not my f**king eraser.  It's Tom's f**king eraser.

F**k: Are you happy?

Lisa: F**k yes I am.

F**k: Are you sad?

Lisa: F**k no I'm not.

F**k:  Great.  Are you at home, f**ker?

Lisa: Yes, I am, with your mother.  She's ******** ** **** while she ***** your father ** *** *** with a broomstick.

F**k: Cool!

Lisa: OK, goodbye.

F**k: Goodbye.  Have a good day!

"Conventional Industries" (3)


For a (weird) introduction to this topic, refer to "Conventional Industries" (1).

This will be the last of the "Conventional Industries" entries, as the Mining and Crafts sections bring me to the end of the book.


IV. Mining 礦業

Mining isn't that significant in the overall history of Taiwan.  Taiwan is a very small country, its geography doesn't vary that much, and the groups that migrated here never put much importance on mining.  In the earliest times it was either fishing or farming, a little later it was lumber, and later still came the crafts for which Taiwan is justifiably famous.  Large-scale mining arrives relatively late in Taiwan's history, and has never been important to the island's economy.*


   A. A History of Taiwanese Coal 煤礦

      1. Most of Taiwan's exploited coal fields lie in a band that stretches from Jhunan 竹南 in Miaoli County 苗栗縣 to Keelung 基隆.  There are unexploited coal reserves south of Jhunan, along the west coastal plain.

      2. Coal was used by prehistoric peoples to smelt iron.  There are records of the Spanish trading with Taiwanese aborigines for coal in the early 1600s.

      3. In the 1870s, during the Ching Dynasty 清朝, there were over 90 coal mines in north Taiwan.  Despite superstitions regarding mining, the Ching court later allowed British engineers to modernize some of these mines, and to make them more profitable.

      4. Transport of coal was improved by development of the railways under the Japanese Imperial Administration.

      5. Coal production in Taiwan reached its peak in 1964.  Thereafter the cost of importing petroleum adversely affected the market, and the use of coal declined.

      6. The implementation of new safety regulations in 1984 was a further blow to the industry, as most coal mines were by that time antiquated and badly managed.

      7. Taiwan's last coal mine closed in 2001.


   B. The Story of Taiwanese Gold

      1. Europeans came looking for gold in Taiwan as early as the 1500s.

      2. The gold deposits in Jiou Fen 九份 were discovered in 1894.

      3. Gold mining on a large scale wasn't begun until Taiwan was under Japanese Imperial administration.  The gold mine they set up in Jiou Fen was operated until 1987 by the Taiwan Gold Company 台灣金屬業公司, long after the Japanese had lost possession of Taiwan. 

      4. The town of Ruei Fang 瑞芳 in New Taipei City owes much of its existence to the Jiou Fen gold mine and the miners who worked there.

   C. A Tour of Mining Areas

      1. Many of the old gold mines can still be visited, and even explored to some degree.  Jiou Fen is of course the easiest to reach.  Most of the other mines are in very remote areas.

      2. There is a gold museum 黃金博物館 in Ruei Fang, New Taipei City.


   D. The History of the Taiwanese Salt Industry 鹽業

      1. Just after its establishment, the Dutch colony in Tainan 台南imported salt.  Later a salt mine was opened, but the salt from this mine was very bitter, and not very profitable.

      2. Koxinga 鄭成功 and his successors strove to improve Taiwan's salt supply after the Ching court 清廷 imposed an embargo on all exports to Taiwan.  The discovery and excavation of new salt mines in the 1600s was part of this strategy.  The Yan Cheng ("salt repository") district 鹽程區 in Kaohsiung City 高雄市 had its own salt mine during this time.

      3. Even after the colonial era, Japan remained one of the biggest importers of Taiwanese salt.

      4. In 1967 Taiwan ceased exporting salt, and thereafter the industry went into decline.  Facing increasing competition from imports, Taiwan's last salt mine shut down in 2002.

      5. There is a salt museum 台灣鹽業博物館 in Chi Gu 七股, Tainan County 台南縣.**

V. Crafts 工藝


   A. Ceramics/Pottery 陶瓷

      1. Ceramics is a complex subject, and several areas within Taiwan specialize in their own types of ceramics.  Going into all the different types of ceramics and how they are produced would take up a lot of space, and to be honest I'm not up to the task right now.  Those interested in Taiwanese ceramics would probably do well to start at the ceramics museum in Yingge 鶯歌陶瓷博物館, New Taipei City.



   B. Metalwork 金工工藝

      1. Tainan 台南, Jia Yi 嘉義, and Lu Gang 鹿港 all have long traditions of fashioning gold into both ceremonial objects and jewelry.  Many of these traditions were brought here during the Ching Dynasty.

      2. Shr Lin 士林, in Taipei City, produces the "Shr Lin Knife" 士林名刀, which dates back to 1870.

      3. Knives have both practical and symbolic functions within many Taiwanese aboriginal cultures.  Tong Men Village 銅門村, located in Shiou Lin Township 秀林鄉, Hualien County 花蓮縣 produces a distinctive knife used by aboriginals.



   C. Glasswork 玻璃產業

      1. Hsinchu 新竹 was an important glass production center between 1961 and 1981.  They made a lot of Christmas lights for Western markets. 

      2. The Paiwan tribe 排灣族 is known for the glass beads it still produces.

      3. There is a glass museum 玻璃工藝館 in Hsinchu.***


   D. Basketry and Weaving 編織工藝

      1. Methods of making baskets on the west coast of Taiwan predate Chinese settlement of those areas.  Da Jia 大甲, Yuan Li 苑裡, and Tong Shiao 通霄 in central Taiwan all have traditions of basketry that can be traced back to the "plains aborigines" 平埔族 and the Kas tribe 卡斯族.

      2. Many other Taiwanese aboriginal tribes have their own traditions of basketry and weaving.

      3. Examples of local basketry can be viewed in the bamboo products museum 竹藝博物館, located in Jhushan 竹山, Nantou County 南投縣.



   E. Other Crafts

      1. Da Shi 大溪 in Taoyuan 桃園 has a tradition of furniture making.  San Yi 三義 in Taichung 台中 is known for wood carving.  Tainan has a tradition of temple painting.  Meinong 美濃 in Kaohsiung is known for its paper umbrellas.  Other places are known for other things - cloth stitching, drums, or even blankets.  But most of these "other things" are so obscure that you'd have a hard time finding them, much less finding the place they came from!


And this, my friends, brings to an end my discussion of "Conventional Industries."  Hoped you learned something?  I know I did!

Related Entries:

"Conventional Industries" (2)
"Conventional Industries" (1)
台灣鳳梨的歷史 A History of Taiwanese Pineapples
Cheng Gong Fishing Port 成功漁港

*In the book there follows a long list of Taiwan's mineral resources.  I was tempted to include it here, but I'm not sure how widely these resources are exploited.  The sections of the book included here discuss minerals I have read or heard about, and minerals that seemed more relevant to the history of Taiwan. 

For that matter, what about concrete?  Is concrete "mined"?  Might be worth looking into.  It's a big industry in Taiwan, where all the houses are made it!

**I've been to this museum.  It's really not worth visiting.

***This is not in the "Conventional Industries" book, but I I used to live down the street from it!

2016年1月12日 星期二

"Conventional Industries" (2)


For a (weird) introduction to this topic, refer to Conventional Industries (1).

This section is about fishing and aquaculture, which is - as you might imagine - a huge industry in Taiwan.  Many Taiwanese people eat fish, many Taiwanese people catch fish, and both fishing and aquaculture have a long history in Taiwan. 


III. Fishing 漁業

For this section I also consulted Taiwan's Fishing Industry 台灣的漁業 and Taiwan's Aquaculture Industry 台灣的養殖漁業, both written by Hu Shing-hua 胡興華 and part of Walker Cultural's 遠足文化 Taiwan Geographical Encyclopedia 台灣地理百科.

      1. Waters around Taiwan provide habitat for 2500 species of invertebrate, 300 species of crab, 270 species of shrimp, and 2600 species of fish.

      2. Six types of fishing are done in Taiwan.  These are: (a) coastal 沿岸, (b) offshore 近海, (c) deep sea 遠洋, (d) ocean aquaculture 海面養殖, (e) inland aquaculture 內陸養殖, and inland fishing 內陸漁撈.  The last of these, inland fishing, is of little economic importance.

         a. Coastal fishing is defined as either fishing done within 12 nautical miles 浬 of shore, or as the distance a boat can travel to and from port in a single day.

         b. Offshore fishing is defined as fishing done between 12 and 200 nautical miles from shore.

         c. Deep sea fishing is defined as fishing done more than 200 nautical miles from shore.  This is Taiwan's most important type of fishing, and accounts for 46% of the total catch.

         d. Taiwan's ocean aquaculture can be divided into two types: shallow and deep.  The shallow type is done in the intertidal zone, and primarily involves the production of oysters and clams.  The deep type is done beyond the low-water line (or mark)*, and tends to involve fish raised in cages.

         e. Inland aquaculture can be divided into the freshwater and saltwater types.  This type of "fishing" accounts for 31% of the total catch.  Eels and shrimp are often the product of freshwater aquaculture, while milkfish 虱目魚 is the most commonly seen product of the saltwater type.


   A. Fishing Tools/Equipment 漁業器具
    
      1. Deep sea fishing wasn't an important industry until after the government built Kaohsiung's Chien Jen Port 高雄前鎮漁港 in 1967.  

      2. Commonly seen fishing methods/equipment include: single boat trawling 單船拖網, "tent netting" 叉手網, "stone fish weirs" 石滬, gillnetting 流刺網, individual fishing/angling 一支釣, longline fishing 延繩釣, "coral cutting" 摃灘, "hand dredging" 耙網, seine netting 低竿網, drift netting 巾著網, pair trawling 雙船拖網, swordfish spearfishing 鏢旗魚, and squid fishing 魷釣.**


   B. Fishing Ports 漁港

I also discussed this topic in the Fishing Ports of Taiwan entry.
 

      1. There are four types of fishing port in Taiwan, defined by size and number of facilities/services.  The first type is the best, and includes Kaohsiung's Chien Jen Port 高雄前鎮漁港, Keelung City's Ba Dou Dze Port 基隆市八斗子漁港, Yilan County's Nan Fang Ao Port 宜蘭縣南方澳漁港, and Penghu County's Magong Port 澎湖縣馬公漁港.  Most ports in Taiwan are of the second, third, and fourth types.


   C. Aquaculture in Taiwan 養殖魚

      1. Aquaculture has been practiced in Taiwan for over 300 years, since the Dutch founded a colony in Tainan 台南.

      2. During the Japanese Imperial Administration, before deep sea fishing was viable, aquaculture accounted for as much as 40% of Taiwan's total catch.

      3. Taiwan's "aquaculture revolution" from 1961 onwards had an enormous effect on aquaculture in Southeast Asia and Mainland China.  During this revolution, new fertilization techniques were discovered, and new species of fish were cultivated.


   D. How the Mullet 烏魚 Attracted the Chinese to Taiwan

      1. Fisherman from Mainland China first came to Taiwan's main island from Penghu 澎湖.  At that time, they were drawn here by the spawning cycle of the mullet 烏魚, which migrates from south to north Taiwan (and back again) around the winter solstice.  Eventually these fishermen settled down in Taiwan to take better advantage of the catch.

      2. After 1976, it became possible to farm mullet, and this type of aquaculture steadily diminished the percentage of mullet caught offshore.


   E. Southern Taiwan's Household Fish - The Milkfish 虱目魚

      1. The milkfish is Taiwan's most-farmed fish.  Cultivation of this fish began in An Ping District 安平區, Tainan 台南, and from there spread outward to other parts of Taiwan.

      2. Taiwan was the first country to develop a method for milkfish reproduction within aquaculture pools.  This was one of the big events marking the "aquaculture revolution" from 1971 onwards.  Before this development, those raising milkfish were dependent on eggs harvested from the wild.

      3. The "growing season" for milkfish in Taiwan begins around April and ends in October.  The milkfish are very sensitive to changes in temperature, and if the temperature drops below 8 Celsius they begin to die.  For this reason they are not raised during the coldest months.

      4. There are two methods of raising milkfish.  The traditional, or "shallow flat" method 淺坪式, and the "deep water" method 深水式, which relies upon more artificial feed and machinery.  The "deep water" method produces a larger catch, but is more expensive to do.


   F. Shrimp 蝦

      1. Farmers in Taiwan primarily raise four kinds of shrimp.  These are: the grass shrimp 草蝦, prawns 斑節蝦, the Pacific white shrimp白蝦,***, and the "freshwater long-armed shrimp" 淡水長臂蝦 or "Thailand shrimp" 泰國蝦.

      2. Some varieties of shrimp are even more sensitive to temperature changes, so they are not cultivated year-round.



   G. Abalone, Clams, and Oysters 貝養殖

      1. Chinese people have been raising shellfish since the Neolithic.

      2. Shellfish grow best in estuaries, and river pollution has forced many former shellfish farmers into inland aquaculture.

      3. Abalone 九孔 is a shellfish primarily grown on Taiwan's east coast.  It can be raised inland in pools.


   H. The Beginning of Squid Fishing Under Japanese Rule

      1. In 1913 the Governor of Taiwan 台灣總督府 sent an expeditionary crew to fish for squid in north Taiwan.  This expedition proved that the squid fishery could be profitable.

      2. Until the Second World War disrupted fishing, crews working under the Japanese Imperial Government from 1932 onwards left ports in Kaohsiung 高雄地區 to fish for squid in the Philippines, Malaysia, and New Guinea.

      3. Squid are caught using a the 美式圍網 "American fence" method, developed in the U.S.  A net is suspended between a larger boat and a smaller boat, and the smaller boat steers a circular path from one end of the larger boat to the other.  The squid are thus trapped within the net.  This is also done with three boats - one large and two small, with the two smaller boats pulling different nets and steering in half circles.

      4. Taiwanese squid boats ply the waters of the Pacific, Atlantic, and Indian Oceans, and more than 1000 Taiwanese fishing craft are engaged in the squid fishing industry.  It's a HUGE business, employing thousands.



   I. Squid and Other Cephalopods 頭足 as Seafood

      1. Squid fishing began in earnest in the 1970s.  Before that point, most squid consumed in Taiwan were imported.  One of the most important fishing grounds for Taiwanese squid boats is the area between Argentina and the Falkland Islands in the south Atlantic.


   J. Coral "Fishing"/Harvesting 珊瑚漁業

I also wrote about this topic in the Coral entry.

      1. Coral sculpture came to Taiwan from Japan in the 1920s.  The art of coral sculpture reached a high point in the early 1980s, and has declined since then.  Taiwan was once referred to as "The Coral Kingdom" 珊瑚王國.****

      2. Coral is dredged from the ocean floor using long nets.  8-12 people man each coral boat, using a netting method first developed in the Philippines.*****


   K. Whale Hunting in Taiwan

      1. Taiwan's first (known) whale hunt was attempted off the coast of south Taiwan in 1920, again under the direction of the Governor of Taiwan, who was working under the Japanese.  They used both Norwegian boats and a method of whale hunting done in Norway.

      2. World War Two brought an end to large scale whale hunting in Taiwan, though it was revived on a smaller scale after the Kuomintang took over.  In 1981, the Department of Economics 經濟部, in part due to pressure from the Americans, declared whale hunting illegal.******

      3. In 1990 whales were declared a "protected species" 保育動物, and in 1996 the first whale watching society was established.


Related Entries:

Conventional Industries (1)
台灣鳳梨的歷史 A History of Taiwanese Pineapples
Cheng Gong Fishing Port 成功漁港
雲豹 - 從動物王國上消失的傳奇 "The Clouded Leopard - From the Animal Kingdom to the Realm of Legend"

*This "low-water line" (or "low-water mark") can also be defined as a distance of 12 nautical miles from a country's coastline.  As the boundary of the intertidal zone, it is the dividing line between coastal and ocean waters.

**I was unable to find adequate English terms for the types of fishing in quotation marks.  The "tent netting" listed is done with a tent-shaped net that is held in the hands.  "Stone fish weirs" are the rock structures commonly seen in pictures of Penghu 澎湖.  "Coral cutting" is now illegal in Taiwan.  It involved dredging up a piece of coral and removing the shellfish from it.  "Hand dredging" involves a kind of metal scoop operated manually.  "Fishing Techniques" is a HUGE topic, and English speakers who want more info should probably start with the Wikipedia article.

***I'm assuming it's the Pacific white shrimp, since this makes sense geographically.  There are several kinds of white shrimp! 

****By whom?  The book doesn't say! 

*****[Dear Government of Taiwan: coral dredging should be illegal.  I don't care what kind of restrictions you THINK are being enforced, or what kind of "quotas" you think the coral companies are observing!]

******The Chinese here says: "公告禁止捕鯨" which I translated as "declared whale hunting illegal."  "Restricted" would be a better translation of "禁止," especially since we are talking about the Department of Economics, and not a law enforcement agency.  But what would it matter if the Department of Economics "restricted" something?  What powers of enforcement does it have?  Since I don't know the ins and outs of this particular part of the Taiwanese government, I found it less confusing to translate "禁止" as "declared illegal."
 

2016年1月9日 星期六

If I was the President of Taiwan... 我如果當總統的話...


In case you didn't know, the Presidential Election is next week, on January 16.  如果你沒注意到的話, 台灣總統大選是一月十六日.

Of course as a foreign resident I am unable to vote, much less run for office, but I'd like you to know that if I were running things, I would try to accomplish the following:  當然外國住民的我沒有投票權, 也沒有參選權.  可是我想讓你們知道, 我如果是台灣總統, 我會有以下的政策:

1.The establishment of a National Taiwan Bureau of Pizza, which would ensure that every county, city, and town in Taiwan has yummy pizza. 設立台灣披薩局.  這個披薩局負責讓台灣所有的縣, 市, 鄉鎮都有好吃的披薩.

2. The construction of a huge sign, facing the Taiwan Strait, which reads: "Mind Your Own Business."  在西部面對著台灣海峽放一個"管好你自己就好"的超級大看板.

3. A shortened work week, consisting of three days, and lasting from 11 am to 3 pm.  But if you don't feel like coming into work that day it's OK.  每個禮拜只要工作三天.  上班的時間是上午十一點到下午三點.  有時候當天不想上班也沒有關係.

4. The death penalty, to be enforced immediately, for anyone singing karaoke too loudly.  唱卡拉OK太大聲的人要被處死刑.

5. The construction of a "loop-the-loop" somewhere on the HSR line.  高鐵的某一段要設計成雲霄飛車路線.

6. The creation of National Comic Book Day, in which we all stay home and read comic books.  訂定國家漫畫節.  這一天我們所有的人可以留在家裡看漫畫書.

7. The creation of a cool, secret base for myself on an island, accessible via submarine.  This island will also have dinosaurs, just like in Jurassic Park.  在台灣的離島蓋我的秘密基地.  這個秘密基地有潛水艇的入口, 島上也有恐龍, 就像侏儸紀公園.

8. The changing of Taiwan's official language to Latin , and the alteration of the Presidential Palace in Taipei to more closely resemble a castle.  Also, the outcome of all future Presidential elections will be decided in a knightly tournament.  台灣的國語要改成拉丁語.  台北的總統府要變成城堡.  以後的總統選舉就像是騎士比賽, 贏了就是總統.

9. The creation of "Awesomeland," a free water/amusement park that everyone can visit once a year.  And you don't need to drive there.  A helicopter comes to pick you up at your house.  蓋一個免費的水樂園"超棒的世界".  每個人可以免費一年去一次.  不用開車去, 因為有直升機去你家接你.

10. All the irritating Taiwanese celebrities will be deported to the Philippines. (Sorry Philippines)  把最煩人的台灣名人送去菲律賓.  (菲律賓對不起)

11. All Hello Kitty, Doraemon, and One Piece merchandise will be banned immediately.  Because enough already.  Give the other Japanese cartoon characters a chance! 禁止在台灣賣所有Hello Kitty, 多拉ㄟ夢, 跟航海王的東西.  因為這些東西的產量已經夠了.  給其他的日本卡通的角色機會吧!

And that's my "11-point plan."  I'll be implementing this plan just as soon as I am elected to the office of President, which should be right about the time hell freezes over...  那就是我的"十一項計畫."  我選上總統之後就開始實施這項計畫.  但這應該是地獄結冰的時候了...

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