2018年11月3日 星期六

Lego Flash and the Three Wishes 樂高閃電俠跟三個願望

Stuck in the office again.  Class in ten minutes, and then another hour of sheer nothingness after that.  Sometimes I don't mind being stuck in the office.  Sometimes I mind it very much.  又困在辦公室裡了.  十分鐘後有一堂課, 再之後還有一小時的空堂.  有時候我不在乎困在辦公室.  但有時候我覺得很煩.

Just now I was thinking about what would happen if my Lego Flash came to life and started granting me wishes.  "I'm a magic Lego Flash!" he would say, "And you're AWESOME, dude!  I'll grant you three wishes!"  我剛剛在想: 如果我的樂高閃電俠突然有神力並給我三個願望會發生什麼事. 他會跟我說: "我是神奇的樂高閃電俠, 你太棒了!  所以我要給你三個願望!"

"Really?" I'll answer, "But how are you even talking to me now?  Aren't you just a piece of plastic?  And hasn't it been boring, sitting on my computer for so long?" 我會說:"真的嗎? , 可是你怎麼跟我講話?  你不是一塊塑膠嗎?  坐在我的電腦上那麼久應該很無聊吧?"

"Shut up!" Lego Flash will say, "It's magic!  And this is just a story anyway!  Don't ask so many stupid questions!  I'm here to grant your wishes!"  樂高閃電俠會說: "你閉嘴!" , "是魔法呀!  這只是故事而已, 不要問那麼多無聊的問題!  我來給你三個願望!"

"Ok," I'll say, "Let me think a minute.  Three wishes, you say?  This is something I need to think about.  I wouldn't want to waste my wishes, would I?"  我會說: "好" , "我想一想,  三個願望沒聽錯吧!  我需要好好地想一想.  我不想浪費我的願望?"

Lego Flash will wait very patiently while I think it over.  We'll both know that I'm stuck in the office for a while, and neither of us will be in a particular hurry.  I'll find it a little creepy that Lego Flash has been alive the whole time, watching me from atop my computer, but I'll try not to think about that and focus on my three wishes.  樂高閃電俠會耐心的等我考慮好.  我們二個都知道我困住在辦公室很久了, 我們都不急.  我覺得樂高閃電俠活生生的在電腦上看著我一段時間有點恐怖, 可是我會試著不想那個問題並把重點放在願望上.

"Got it," I'll finally say.  "I want a tall glass of Ayinger beer, a pizza from that place in Dulan, and a plate of spicy chicken wings." 最後我會說: "知道了" ,  "我想喝大杯Ayinger啤酒, 想吃都蘭的餐廳的披薩, 還想吃一盤辣雞翅."

It'll take Lego Flash a while to process all of this.  "Are you sure?" he'll finally say, "I mean, the way you said it takes up all three wishes.  You could get all those things in your car after work!  Are you really so lazy?  Are you really so unimaginative?"  這會讓樂高閃電俠想一會兒.  他最終會說:"你確定嗎?" , "我的意思是這樣你的三個願望就全都用完了.  那些東西下班之後開車去買就好了!  你真的那麼懶惰嗎?  真的想不出更好的了嗎?"

"Lazy?  Unimaginative?" I'll say, "But... that place near Showtime isn't even open now, so I couldn't get that Ayinger even if I wanted to go there... and the pizza place is far from the bar, and the chicken wings..."  我會說: "懶惰?  沒想像力?,  可是秀泰影城附近的商店都還沒開始營業, 就算我開車去還是沒辦法買那種啤酒, 還有... 披薩餐廳離酒吧很遠, 那雞翅..."

"DUDE!" Lego Flash will exclaim, "Do you know what an idiot you are?!?  You could literally have ANYTHING - and I'd have to give it to you!!  Why not wish for a trillion dollars?  Or eternal life?  Or super powers?  Jesus!!  Beer, pizza, and chicken wings?!?  You've got to be f*&king kidding me!"  樂高閃電俠會大叫: "大哥! , 你知不知道你多笨?  你可以得到世界上任何的東西, 我一定要給你的!  你不想要一萬億美元嗎?  你不想要永恆的生命嗎?  你不要超級能力嗎?  天啊!  啤酒, 披薩跟雞翅!!  你跟我開玩笑吧!"

"But I really like that beer..." I'll protest lamely.  "可是我很想喝那種啤酒..." 我會小聲地抗議.

"It's only beer!  Think how many bottles you could buy with a TRILLION dollars!"  "只是啤酒而已!  想想一萬億美元可以買得到幾瓶啤酒!"

"...and I was talking about the Italian sausage pizza you know, the one with the green peppers..."  "...我說的是義式香腸的披薩, 你知道嗎?  有青椒的那個..."

"Eternal life!  Never needing to fear death - ever again!"  "永恆的生命!  你不用再害怕死亡了!"

"...and you know they don't have spicy chicken wings at that place in Dulan, so there's something..."  "你知道嗎?  都蘭那家餐廳沒有辣雞翅, 所以..."

"Freaking SUPER POWERS dude!  You could run at the speed of sound!  See through walls!  Read people's minds!"  "大哥!  超級能力耶?  你可以跑得跟聲音一樣快!  你可以看穿牆壁!  你可以知道其他人在想什麼!"

"...and I'm really very, very hungry.  So is it alright if I wish for those things?  I could really use a beer right now, and a good pizza to go with it.  Maybe... Ok, maybe I'll hold off on the spicy wings, and use that third wish later on.  But I can't promise that I won't wish for spicy chicken wings after I finish my pizza.  Ok?"  "我真的很餓.  所以我可以用願望得到這些東西嗎?  我現在很想喝啤酒, 啤酒跟披薩一起吃很棒.  也許... 也許我現在不吃辣雞翅, 我晚一點再利用第三個願望.  可是我無法保證吃完披薩後不用第三個願望得到雞翅,  好嗎?"

Lego Flash will want to slap himself in the forehead, but he won't be able to because his arms and fingers don't bend that way.  Instead he'll only raise his plastic lighting bolt things to the ceiling, imploring God Himself to strike me down with a bigger, much more real lighting bolt.  樂高閃電俠會快受不了了, 可是他的手臂跟手指頭沒辦法動, 所以他只能把塑膠的閃電朝著屋頂, 懇求上帝用比較大, 比較真實的閃電打我.

"F*&k!  Fine, dude.  Here's your beer and your pizza.  But just remember you used up two wishes on those, one for the beer and one for the pizza.  You only have one wish left after that.  That's it."  "天啊!  隨便你.  這是你的啤酒跟披薩.  你要記得你已經用掉了二個願望了, 一個是披薩另外一個是啤酒.  你現在只剩下一個願望了. "

"Great," I'll say as the cold glass of beer and the piping hot pizza appear on my desk, "You're a cool dude, Lego Flash."  當冰冰的啤酒跟熱熱的披薩出現在我桌上時我會說: "很好"',   "樂高閃電俠, 你真是個好的朋友."

"Yeah, whatever," he'll say.  "I'll be here when you want that third wish.  Just... you know... think it over a little bit, ok?" 他會說: "哪裡, 哪裡,  只是... 你知道嗎?  當你要使用第三個願望前多考慮一點!"

I'll nod in agreement, though I won't be listening too hard or thinking about that third wish too much.  I'll be thinking about the smell of pizza, the taste of a cold, fresh beer, and maybe - just maybe - how good chicken wings are after a nice pizza...  我會抬頭表示同意, 可是我不會很注意聽, 也部會真的考慮那第三個願望.  我那時候大概想的是披薩跟冰啤酒的味道.  可能 , 就只是可能 , 我會想辣雞翅跟這二樣東西很對味...

And I'll be very, very happy.  ...就覺得很滿意.

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