Culture Shock 文化衝擊
Oh, please. 拜託!
Every time I start complaining, she has to jump in and start defending Taiwan! As if 1) everything I complain about has Taiwan as its ultimate source, and 2) Taiwan needs defending. 我每次開始訴苦的時候, 她都要來為台灣辯護. 好像是 1) 我每次都是抱怨台灣, 2) 台灣需要她的保護.
I'll be sitting here, and I'll say something harmless like "It's really hot today," and she'll just have to say something like, "Yes, in Taiwan the weather's hotter, but we are a subtropical country." 我一坐著說些無關緊要的話, 例如: "今天天氣很熱," 然後她一定會說 "台灣的天氣比較熱, 因為台灣位於亞熱帶" .
What? Does she think I just arrived here from the States? 17 years, man. Does she think I need the weather explained to me? 什麼意思? 她以為我剛到台灣嗎? 天啊! 我已經住這裡17年了! 她以為我在等她介紹台灣的氣候嗎?
And this other one over here. Always saying things like "Do you know why we don't have to work next week? It's Dragon Boat Festival! Do you know what Dragon Boat Festival is?" 還有另外一位女士. 她一直跟我說這樣的話: "你知道我們下禮拜為什麼不用上班嗎? 是端午節! 你知道端午節是什麼嗎?"
No, Ms. Tour Guide. I have no idea what Dragon Boat Festival is. Why don't you explain it to me again? I've lived here for over a decade, and yet I have no knowledge of local holidays. 導遊小姐, 我當然不知道端午節的意思! 妳再跟我介紹一下好嗎? 我住台灣的時間超過十年, 可是我什麼節日都不認識? 對不對?
If she tries to explain any more Chinese customs to me I'm going to scream. I swear it. I'm going to scream. 她如果再跟我介紹中國民俗的話, 我一定會大叫. 我說的沒錯. 我要叫很大聲.
And now here comes this guy. He's on his way to talk to me, and I can already see the fear in his eyes. Oh my God I have to talk to the foreigner again he is thinking, and every word he utters after "excuse me" is going to be both awkward and uncomfortable. 這位先生又來了! 他走過來對我講話, 我已經從他的眼睛裡看到他的恐懼. 他在想: "救命啊! 我又要跟外國人講話了!" 他跟我說 "不好意思" 之後, 他說的每句話裡都包含著緊張的聲音.
Now just look here, man. I'm American, I'm not from another planet. I realize that you grew up in a very small village somewhere, way out in the country, but we're speaking the same language, and I'm still a human being. Does it always have to be so weird with you? Does it always have to be so strange? 思考一下 ! 我是從美國來的, 不是外星球. 我知道你們長大的地方很鄉下, 可是我們兩個還是用中文溝通啊! 我跟你一樣是人類. 每次跟你在一起需要表現得那麼奇怪嗎? 每次一定要這樣子嗎?
So many people, and all of them making me feel so... foreign. On another day I'd brush it off. On another day it would be their problem, and not mine. If only today were that day. 那麼多人讓我覺得那麼的... 外國人. 某天我可以不用把這些放在心上, 某天這會是他們的問題, 可惜! 今天不是某天.
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