2013年11月2日 星期六

Test #1


Today is test week for me, so here's a test for you.  If you do well on this test, it is either because you know me or because you read this blog more than occasionally.  I'll not be providing the answers, so if you are uncertain about any of the questions, I would encourage you to relax, stop whatever else you are doing, and go take a nap.  The correct answers to all questions will appear to you in a dream.  I promise.


Name __________ Number_______________ Class _____

Test #1

I. Reading

Read the following story, then answer the questions.

What's my name?  My name is Timesthree Thehighest.  Not really.  What's your name?  Your name is Joe.  I think.  What's his name?  His name is Lisa.  He has some gender identity issues.  What's her name?  Her name is unknown at this time.

How old am I?  I'm 38 years old, but not in dog years.  How old are you?  I suppose you are as old as you are.  How old is he?  He's the square root of 33.  How old is she?  She's old enough to be trouble.

What time's my Chinese class today?  I don't have Chinese class today, thank you very much.  What time's your English class today?  I think it might be right now.  What time's his art class today?  I cannot say with any certainty.  What time's her computer class today?  Whenever it happens to be.

What do I play?  I play the guitar badly.  What do you play?  You play games with my emotions.  What does he play?  He plays with himself.  What does she play?  She sometimes helps him to play with himself.

1. What's my name?

a. Adam     b. Timesthree     c. both A and B     d. neither A nor B     e. a word of Hebrew or Latin origin

2. What does he play?

a. he plays a sinful game     b. he plays a spectator sport     c. he practices self-abuse

3. How old are you?

a. none of your business     b. too old     c. not old enough     d. old enough for trouble

4. What time's her computer class today?

a. at some time between the Big Bang and the Big Crunch     b. time does not exist     c. the answer will be relative, depending upon how many dimensions she occupies at any given time     d. I'm not stoned enough for this quiz

5. If his name is Lisa, does that excite you?

a. yes     b. no     c. I am too ashamed to answer truthfully      d. I am a homophobe, and I hate fags almost as much as I hate myself

6. Why are you bothering with this test anyway?

a. I had assumed that at some point it would begin to make sense     b. I still think that at some point it will make sense     c. I am in need of medication     d. all of the above

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